Our week has been a whirlwind. My sister-in-law came home from India for a short visit, we have a family wedding this weekend, and by some calamity everyone we know has recently been under the weather…we’ve been fighting sniffles and throat scratchiness all week.

Regardless of everyone being a little worse for the wear, it’s been great to have Carli here this week. Austen is making up for lost time as quickly as possible—starting with pelting Carli with confetti eggs that first morning!

In the midst of everything busy and hectic happening this week, Austen did something astonishing. Right in the middle of our crazy, she started READING. 

Reading!!

We’ve talked about letters since she was a tiny babe, those fundamental bits of knowledge that we hoped she would soon commit to memory and keep for always, making them a part of our play, a part of our lives. She was quick to speak as a baby, quick to know those ABCs, quick to love books of any thickness, quick to settle into daily “reading” as a favorite pastime.

All the while, I suspected that she intuitively understood me when I talked about letters and sounds during playtimes and car rides and waiting rooms. I had no idea. Our educational play led us to a moment this week when Austen looked over my shoulder at the alphabet magnets on the refrigerator, letters I was swirling around to form short words. She looked them over casually, sounded each one out easily, announcing the words in front of her with lightning quick smiles: “Foxes! Math. Kids! Lids. Cars. Lips. Win. Me…” 

She read them as interestedly as I formed them quickly, a quick study at a game I did not know that she knew. I held my breath, waiting to see how far we could stretch. “Rug. Pug. The. Good. Not…”

She’s read two sight-word readers since then.

I’m feeling the weight of this unexpected gift, a skill we never dared to expect until I had somehow established a regular daily “school time” and pressed hard for it. It is so beautiful that Austen has discovered words and the sounds that make them, and I’m overwhelmed thinking of the world before her, suddenly ready to take her all the literary places I traveled to as a child. It’s this sudden success that has revitalized me, given me a burst of blessed energy for the task ahead, and I know I will need it. The road ahead—that of curating this collection of words and sounds and encouraging progress and (oh, mercy!) handwriting—will require patience and understanding that already feels beyond my limits.

And, oh, I needed this beautiful gift, this sudden new zeal in my heart for teaching my little. Can I be authentic here, just in this tiny space? Teaching Austen to read felt like an Everest-sized chore ahead of me. I wasn’t feeling pressured by her age; she is only three. But I was thinking about my desire to teach her at home in the future, looking at the preschool curriculum schedules I had already created and never managed to stick with, and looking at the weekly tasks I already struggle to accomplish, and I wondered to myself…How? How does anyone learn to read? How does any parent find the time to prioritize this over tasks that feel more urgent? How does any child with a normal-range attention span sit still and absorb information about letters and sounds and word formation? How does any mother actually teach her child to read?

Isn’t it beautiful when God knows your feeling of panic before you have even fully formed it or have been able to acknowledge to yourself that it exists? I had my expectations full of “real” reading curriculum, scheduled school time, and gorgeous child cooperation, and God met me unexpectedly with a gift during playtime. I wish I could take credit for Austen’s reading. But in a way, I really am glad that I can say that God guided us to this point. He can clearly help us move forward without any of my “help” (i.e. panic).

In the meantime, I am reminded of the parable of the talents in the New Testament:

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them.” (Matthew 25:14-19)

It is so intimidating as a parent to know that God has “entrusted to [us] His property.” Our kids are His, not ours, and we are called to stewardship of those precious souls. As a mom, I try always to be intentional about so many things—caring for my child physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc—but the more things that I learn and try to incorporate into our daily parenting, the more I realize that we are all operating on grace anyway. It can easily feel like WAY too much to handle, much less accomplish well. I’ve definitely heard myself say, “I’m making this parenting thing up as I go!” to people who have asked questions about the way I parent. Nobody wants to be the lazy servant who buries the master’s property, and I know I certainly don’t, even when I am feeling totally overwhelmed. But God leads me again to this passage, reminding me that He gifts “to each according to His ability.” He has not given me more than I am capable of handling. He hasn’t given you more than you can steward well, if you determine to do so. And sometimes, some beautiful times, He rolls up His sleeves right along with us and a child miraculously learns to read.

Shouldn't we make a commitment to ourselves today to do less panic and more Godly purpose in our parenting?

Yup. This is a reminder to myself, people.

<3, Courtlandt

When A 1000 Photos Just Isn't Enough

As I shared in my post Baby to Toddler, my little guy has been keeping me beyond busy. The day has come that sitting nicely and playing with his toys is just not an option. "The options, mom, are: hold me, or stand me up to walk" Pretty much how it goes around this house.

Tonight, I sat in the bath (yes, I actually got to take a bath) and thought about how life has changed. Hopping into a car with a fellow mama to run to the grocery store is not an option anymore...unless I feel very ambitious and plan to take out the car seat, put it into her car, then take it out again, and put it back into mine. I better be going to Disneyland if I plan to do that. Also, bath time goes a bit like this: it starts off as baby's bath time, then hubby takes the baby out to get into PJ's and I get the chance to fill the bath up the rest of the way...but by the time it reaches the top, it's time to get out. And do I dare mention bottle time? The only job I have is to prepare it, from there baby has everything under control!
As I have said, oh things have changed.

A friend of mine warned me just yesterday, "Julie, you think your baby has changed a lot in the first year... just wait till year 2. It is a roller-coaster of change." I sat there nodding, knowing exactly what she was talking about! Truth be told, I have no idea, do I?

So beyond today and my busy baby, what has been keeping me so busy? Recently, I have had an overwhelming fear of losing memories. And I will be honest: it is a bit ridiculous, and I will explain why. Not too long ago my brother-in-law and his wife came over to hang out. Since they are expecting a baby of their own this coming April, I tried to recall our first weeks home with baby. The topic was baby clothes, and I thought back to what we used to dress our little guy in during the first days home from the hospital... and to be honest, I couldn't remember what he wore. I even thought "Did we dress him at all? Did we just have a naked baby for the first few weeks? I do remember my mom telling me I needed to put some clothes on him, or he would be walking around our house nude before we know it." Either way, I couldn't remember, producing an immense amount of fear of not doing enough to preserve those precious moments. But here is why this fear is irrational for me: I am a photographer. So I have photos... a lot of photos! (It's so bad--I can NOT delete a single one I take). I am also a blogger and have done a lot of writing! You would think that would be good enough?
What I am not, though, is a scrapbooker! So what did I decide to do? Online scrapbook! Because my 1000's (literally) of photos are not enough, and recording every single milestone of my child's life in a blog is not enough. It's a little bit of overkill, I will admit!


I have heard before that the first child always gets this much attention, so for him he will have 1000's of photos, a story of every waking moment of his life, and now a handful of scrapbooks (just kidding, I am only making one). Our second kid? Well, I'll blog about it when the time comes.

Chat soon friends!
Yours Truly,
Julie

Love is in the Air!

It’s that time again. It’s the after-the-New-Year-but-before-Valentine’s-Day in-between time that frustrates some people. Most years, it frustrates me. As soon as the Christmas seasonal items go on clearance, the aisles of all the stores fill with “seasonal” Valentine’s Day items and Hallmark cards, prompting consumers to spend money on chocolate, valentine cards, stuffed animals, perfume, or any gift that apparently will say “I love you.” Why do they start selling Valentine's Day paraphernalia so early? Why do I feel so pressured?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love the holiday, the happy color scheme, the message of love, the chocolate (HELLO, ladies!), the date night opportunity on Valentine’s Day, any gifts or cards that I receive, and I especially love the yearly reminder to express my feelings of love to my family and friends.

But I’m not about the commercialism surrounding Valentine’s Day. Should we have to spend money to tell someone “I love you”? I don’t think so. Is it okay to? Sure!

For as long as I can remember now, I’ve celebrated a “handmade” Valentine’s Day. I get all the benefits of this special holiday, without allowing myself to be pressured or stressed by the commercial holiday being sold everywhere I look. This allows me to actually enjoy the decorative heart theme of all the stores without needing to participate in all of that buying. Love isn’t a commodity that can be bought or sold, and I don’t want the message of love that I am spreading to look or sound cheap or cliché. 

That said: here’s the sheer glory of it all. I LOVE Valentine’s Day! I start thinking about my Valentines as soon as the New Year’s sparklers burn out. I start really thinking about my loved ones. I start pondering God's unfailing and oh-so-patient love for me. I hand-make every card I send to my friends and family, so I get started early in January, digging through all of the wonderful bits and pieces in my scrapbooking stash to find the perfect papers and ribbons to put together in all sorts of wonderful ways. 

All history and commercialism aside, the modern message of Valentine’s Day is that we truly do love each other so deeply, so truly, and we ought to share that love with our loved ones. This doesn’t have to be romantic love, although I suppose romantic love has cornered the market on Valentine’s Day. But it’s okay and wonderful to express our love for everyone, and this is how I use this special day.

Photo credit: Barclay Stockett, my awesome sister!

Sharing Valentine’s Day with my daughter has been so very fun. When she was a baby, I helped her hand-print valentines with finger paint. The next few years, she used stickers and crayons to graffiti valentines for each family member. This year is no different, although she’s added watercolors, scissors, glue, and sparkle to her repertoire. We have so much fun together! Her cards are wild and free; mine are a little tidier, maybe a little better matching in color and design, a little more planned. But she enjoys the process just as much as I do. And it's something we can do together: bonding time over sparkle, hearts, lace, and watercolors.

What about you? What do you do for Valentine’s Day? Leave us a message below and tell us how you celebrate!

Regardless of whether you make or buy your valentines, I hope that you are able to express the love in your heart for your special loved ones this year (not just on Feb. 14!). I hope that the day is more than just pressure to meet a spouse’s expectations or worry about not gifting enough, but a thoughtful time for you to intentionally speak true words of love, instead.

Do you feel alone this Valentine’s season? Are you without someone with which to share a smile and a warm word? Send me your name and mailing address at dearloveshineon@gmail.com. I’ll share a Valentine with you.

So much <3,
Courtlandt

Baby to Toddler

It was literally overnight that my little guy went from laying on his back to rolling just about everywhere. Days later, what was once a happy baby on the floor, was a frustrated little boy crying until he was up on his feet holding someone's hands while scouting out the house for his next destination. Within that same time frame, while sitting on my husband's lap at his desk our little man reached down and pulled open his desk drawer, doing it over and over again. And, finally, what was once a content baby sitting in his highchair, is now a screaming toddler wanting to get out or for me to give him the bowl and spoon to feed himself.

What happened?

It was like yesterday when I could take a nap next to my baby without him picking my nose and kicking me in the face. Oh, how things have changed.

I have been well aware that each new stage of our child's life comes with new blessings and new challenges. But, oh, how unprepared I am. There is nothing in life that can ever prepare you fully for parenthood. I don't think you can ever read enough books, babysit enough kids, or talk to enough other parents to know exactly what being a parent feels like. 

I have worked many jobs in my life, and, without a shadow of a doubt, being a parent has been the hardest one. I only have one kid. He isn't even walking, and he is about the happiest baby I know--and it's still hard work. But as I said, with every new stage comes new blessings and new challenges. 

What was once a screaming baby at nap time, is now a sleep-trained baby, who falls asleep within minutes of being put down. A baby who once breastfed for 45 minutes can suck it back now within 10. And a child who would not play by himself for 10 minutes while I ran to the bathroom is now a pretty content baby... I can most likely even blow dry my hair.

There is nothing like knowing that yes things may just get harder in some areas, but there will be others that will get easier. Oh Lord, I am not prepared for these years ahead, but, thankfully, I have a God I can trust throughout the process. I have a God I can turn to in those moments when my patience is slim, my strength is weak, or my joy is limited.

Yours Truly,
Julie

P.S. If you have time, be sure you check out this amazing article I came across today on Huff Post Parents: Mommy, Somebody Needs You.

Marker Face, An Apology, and Jesus

                               

“Sorry Mama.” My almost three-year-old cups my face as her lips purse out. Her big Fiji-blue eyes look up at me eagerly waiting for a response.

Sometimes I get it right friends. I forgive and move on. But sometimes, far too often I’m afraid, my heart gets impatient. Really, right now? This. I don’t have time for this. All I asked you to do was wait until I finished cleaning up the mess you made in the bathroom and then...Ah!! And what’s that? When did you step on your snack and rub it in the carpet? My daughter’s head drops down slightly; she noticed I wasn’t so quick to forgive today. “Sorry mama, I do marker on baby's seat,” she repeats. I take a deep breath, “It’s okay baby girl, mama can wash it,” I try to assure her. But I knew she read my heart louder than my words.  And sometimes, like today, my heart likes to take tally, to add up all the “wrongs” that happened in my day, and then complain about them and blame others for them. 

But Jesus. He’s different. 

He had a heart to forgive before we even asked, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34a), he forgave while he was cleaning up our mess (Luke 23:39-43), and he forgave completely, “It is finished.” (John 19:30).

Forgive and forget. That’s what we aspire to do as mamas. And it's so hard! I know. Even if we manage to do it successfully on the outside our hearts can be full of ugly. 

Paul, a former hater-of-Jesus turned radical believer-in-Jesus, was dramatically changed after encountering God's forgiveness. He gives the advice not to just forgive and forget, but to remember and forgive (Colossians 3:13b). We remember that our sin, the ugly in our hearts that leads to death, was washed away and made clean, covering our past, our future, and our forever. Jesus even keeps the scars of the cross on his wrists to remind us of his forgiveness, because it is important we remember (John 20:25-27; Revelation 5:6). Remember and forgive. So today, with Jesus in view I'm trying to forgive. 

“God, forgive me.” I pray. “My little one apologizes for her marker mess, but my heart is a bigger mess. Help me to remember your love and forgiveness through Jesus, to receive it in my life, and to extend it to my children.”

Together let's remember and forgive, because sometimes it’s just not possible to forgive and forget when our hearts aren’t ready.

With you, 

Cassidy 

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 

29 Years

Hooray for 29 years!
It's 3:30 in the afternoon, baby is down for nap, and my darling husband has locked himself in our bedroom wrapping presents for me. During this time, I find myself folding some laundry and reminiscing on 29 years.

I often feel as if I have not done much with my life. Sure, I have literally done lots of things, but I don't always feel like I have met the level of "being successful" through the world's eyes. Yes, I have traveled a bit, gotten married, and started a small family, but really I'm barely educated, I am no CEO of a successful company, and I am the farthest thing from owning a home. In these moments, I often find myself thinking of what I am not, rather than what I am.

As I fold the second basket of laundry, I think to myself "Julie, have you really, deeply thought about what you have succeeded at in this life?" The answer: no.

For some reason, the battles I have faced throughout my life quickly slip my mind when I am thinking about who I should be at 29 years old. I get completely caught up in measuring myself up to everyone else around. They have a home, so why don't I? She has a career, and what am I doing? They get to go to Europe, but I will never be able to afford that.

As I thought about the above question, I asked myself whether I had a good solid reality check of what it means to succeed, not to the world but to God. I took a seat and thought about the very things I knew without a doubt in my mind that God had motivated and guided me to succeed at. They are things the world will not necessarily give me a gold star for, but I know that my measure of success is not one that the world is to dictate, but instead what God is to decide.

Again, I am no CEO of a successful company, I don't have a bachelors degree, nor do I own a house or have money coming out of my wazoo. But I do have a home, I have as much education as my life had time for, I am a survivor of an eating disorder, and a determined young woman who completed high school during a time of trials. I now have a beautiful son, and I chose an amazing husband.

The point I am really trying to make is: success is in the eye of the beholder, and really our beholder is our Heavenly Father. One who does not measure success by how fancy our clothes are or how big our house is. Our successes are all different, and all just as big as someone else's. No one is more successful for the amount of school they have done or money they have earned in God's eyes. No, God sees all of our successes as little as they seem to us. Our success is not what the world tells us; it is what our God tells us it is. And everyone's successes are different. We all have our battles we are facing, and it's our willingness to trust Him through them that is our success, whether that be battling a mental disorder or working a full-time job to provide for our families. Maybe it is being single during this time, or trusting God in a time of despair. Our successes are what God calls us to, no matter what that is. So look back on your life, think of the things God has guided you through, and know you are successful!

Yours truly,
Julie

When Toddler Life Just Isn't Perfect

Let’s be real here. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.

And for a perfectionist like me? It’s impossible. I think God gave me a daughter as a cure for my perfectionism.

It started out so well. She slept well, ate well, communicated well from an early age, was oh-so-charming and beautiful, traveled well, dressed well (HELLO baby clothes designers—you’re a bunch of geniuses!)…everything seemed like it was going in such a good direction with such a good trajectory.

And then? I woke up one day to a toddler. A fully communicative, fully aware of all her surroundings, fully decided on her own path, in-her-own-time-zone toddler. She’s wonderful. She’s brilliant. She does the most boisterous shining I have ever beheld every. single. day. of. her. life. She is charming and zany and creative and fashionable. She marches to her own beat. She loves us, God, and our church, and she’s learning about life at lightning speed. And I love all of that about her.

BUT.

She represents the death of most of my careful plans, punctual arrivals, neat and tidy expectations, and organized house. Everything my perfectionism touches, she touches, too. “Oh, you wanted me to wear that Christmas dress to the party?” her adorable face seems to say with expression, “I think I’ll wear this Elsa tutu instead.” Or, “Oh, you thought it would be nice to have a clean car? I thought I would bring twelve books, cheddar bunnies, three stuffed animals, an extra twirly dress, three mismatched shoes, my harmonica, and 17 markers with us on that short drive.” Or, “Ohhh, a nap? That thing we’ve been doing every day of my life thus far? I think I’m giving it up forever, and we can just plan to be home really early every night for bedtime.” (Obviously, I can change any of these situations, but they represent her heightened sense of independence, and I try to allow her some freedom and grace whenever possible.)

You see? It’s really hard to control everything about my life when someone small in my life fully plans to do the same thing in a different way than I would have liked. I never knew how selfish and impatient I was until I became a mom. And I’m still finding those layers of self-first attitude each day, slaying each dragon as I come to it, 3 ½ years into this mom gig.

I know God has a lot to say about how I live, how I mother, and how my attitude matters:

 “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:22-24

“I’m learning, Lord. Punctuality isn’t more important than the work you’ve given me to do. It was just a wet outfit and an extra potty break,” I mumble as we pull into the parking lot, late for church. Again.

“I realize now that I shouldn’t have held that plan so tightly, God,” I whisper when things just don’t work out.

“I see now that you wanted me to prioritize this little soul over that coffee date/holiday plan/dinner plan/fill in the blank here,” I concede, begrudgingly, when I’ve called to cancel again.

And every time I think that I have learned this lesson, that I won’t try and hold my expectations up as the most important thing, this little wonder-girl smilingly takes my hand and shows me another, freer way of living. In so many ways, she knows better than I how to live, how to breathe, how to accomplish what needs to be done without accepting outside pressure, how to live in each moment, how to be true to herself. And I’m going to “get” it soon; I really will. I’m learning.

God knew the spiritual formation that was going to take place in my life as a result of motherhood. He planned it that way. And I am so grateful. With each opportunity I have to take a deep breath, accept a change of plans, love my little one through whatever stage we’re in (ahem, potty training was a biggie!), train and discipline and raise her through any type of day we’re in, and acknowledge God’s grace and guidance in my life, I become a better person. All of my good traits rise to the surface, and all the things that don’t really matter fall to the wayside. I’m finding that being “picture perfect” was never a good measurement of our trajectory or success to begin with.

Just breathe a little easier today, Mamas. We are all on different journeys. If yours includes a toddler, my experience says that things are probably a little bit messier than maybe you’d like, a little less punctual, and a lot less perfect, but there is such potential for deep joy! Just know that God’s growing you through each and every phase, and His work is always perfect. He will finish His perfect work in us in due time. <3

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

In this thing right with you,

Courtlandt 

(photo credit to Cory Hill, talented photographer and my newest bro-in-law!)

Welcome To Our Little Place

I am so excited to be posting for the first time since there has been a few amazing changes to Dear Love, Shine On. If you didn't already know, there is a brand new look to this blog, and even better news, there are two new wonderful women who will be writing here as well.

This past winter, the three of us decided we wanted to collaborate on a blog. We all share similar desires to write real-life, Christ-centered content in hopes we can inspire moms all across the globe.

So here it goes. We are so excited you are here, and we hope you love the new look and the new voices. We are all about tea, coffee, cookies, and time-outs from our everyday craziness. We welcome you to join right in, take a seat, put your feet up, and have a good read.

These two women are truly amazing--be sure to check out our "who we are" page to get to know each of us a little more. We are looking forward to sharing bits and pieces of each of our days, lives, challenges, goals, and so much more.

We know everyone is different, so we hope there will be a voice here that you all can resonate with.

Welcome to 2015--may this year be the best year yet! We hope this blog can encourage you and again just be a small place you can take a breather and feel inspired!

Yours Truly,
Julie