After our little guy was born, I shared on my previous blog a bit about the shock I had when we found out we were having a boy. My mother had two girls, and I grew up in a home with just women. Other than a short time living with my Dad, my husband was the first man I ever lived with. There's nothing unusual about this situation; however, when it came to having babies, the realization I was having a boy was one I did not know what to do with.

I remember sitting at a restaurant with my husband, and this gut feeling of fear rushing over me. The feeling was just that: fear. How do I raise a boy? All I know is girl. How will I ever relate to him? Will we be close like I would have assumed I would be with a girl? All these thoughts flooded my mind as we sat there looking at the ultrasound picture, with the small writing of "boy" with an arrow pointing to his "you know what" and this small note above confirming it.

Sure, the moment did not last long, maybe an hour, and I was already over the initial fear, and the pure joy of knowing a bit more about my very first child rushed over me. But in all of it, I carried with me a deep need to know that somehow I would be able to do this. 

For months leading up to our son's birth, I started many books and read many blog posts, like "Top 10 Things to Know When You are Having a Boy" or "Raising Boys," by Dr. Dobson. In all of it, I was looking for some sort of answer for how to deal with the fear of my darling child having more energy than I could have ever imagined, the desire to play with swords and guns, wrestle, and ultimately probably break more than just a few bones in his lifetime. I wanted answers to his possible love for violent sports, fast cars, or anything extreme. I wanted to know how I would possibly talk to my son about his attraction to girls one day, and for goodness sake, some things will just be left up to my husband. Basically, I needed to understand testosterone. All that to say, as much as I am sure the stages boys go through are similar to those of girls... I felt afraid due to my lack of knowledge and the unknown.

My thoughts were evident during the time when it was just me, hubby, and baby in my belly. But may I just say, once he got here, I have yet to really think about it since. I would have never expected the amount of unknown that came with being a parent. Those few things I feared regarding having a "boy" was minuscule compared to the reality of raising a child in general, girl or boy! In all of it, I know there will be differences, but for now... I look forward to facing those challenges with other mothers of boys. 

On Being an Everyday Mom

I didn’t want to post this. I haven’t written in a month or so (MUCH longer than I had planned), and it seemed easier to come back with a celebratory “hooray” and some post that justifies my silence lately…something that tells you all of the glorious busyness that has kept me away from my writing this month.

But here’s the truth: I got busy with my normal life. I ironed shirt collars, made PBJs, played outside with my little one, ran errands, did chores, and taught the toddler class at church. We had the flu right after I posted last, and you all know how fun that is. And all the while, my weekly writing somehow got off-track, faltered into writer’s block.

“Why am I not writing?” I finally asked myself this week. And there it was—a hard truth immediately dawned in my heart. It’s not that every moment of every day has been impossibly full of responsibility or fun (because we do have a lot of fun!), and thus I had no time. It was worry that held me back. I didn’t want to confess about the normalcy that filled my days. Don’t we all want to put our best foot forward and highlight the special things? My life this month didn’t feel glamorous. It didn’t feel inspiring. It felt plain. But it’s not.

And here’s the long and short of it: we are everyday moms. I never want to deny the beautiful, daily normalcy of matching socks or cutting onions to the background music of Austen giggling furiously about Curious George. I hope this is what I remember someday when I think about this phase of our lives. I want to remember my little girl playing outside passionately every sunny afternoon in the spring. I want to remember ironing my husband’s work clothes, the kale breakfast smoothie-making, the looooong nights trying to put my toddler to sleep, all of these things in my life that are so normal but are cumulatively shaping me into a better, future me.

I’m writing this because I have a heart to mother well, to be a good wife, to be a writer for all of you fellow moms who need a comforting, relatable voice out here in the internet void; I do not want to show you only the pretty and picturesque parts of my life. I want you to see me as I am: an everyday mom. I am just like you.

We all do special things, go special places, and celebrate special occasions. I want to share those things, also. But I don’t want excitement and novelty (or the lack thereof) to determine when I write. I want to deny comparison all of its power. I want all of us to be real moms together—with all of our milestones and achievements and all of our struggles and laundry piles. There is no need to hide our true selves on social media—denying that we have normal (even boring!) moments somehow diminishes their value in our own minds and allows the comparison game to continue among moms, something that I desperately wish I could eliminate entirely.

To me, the most boring parts of my life as a mom are cherish-worthy, or else they should be. I don’t want to forget them, pretend they aren’t there, and I don’t want to hide them from you. This is my life! It’s amazing, every minute of it. 

Join me in celebrating being an everyday mom?

<3, Courtlandt

Parties + Decorating

I cannot believe my baby boy is almost one! It is crazy!

I am in the process of making a slideshow for his party, and I am amazed at how time has gone by so fast! And yes, I will admit, I have started his birthday planning way too early!

I love to throw parties...I love to decorate, bake, and have as many people over as I can. The one thing that always comes with parties, though...is the need for money. Having a husband in Seminary, working one day a week, and me home with the baby makes for not a ton of extra cash floating around. So most of the time when I want to throw a party, I am determined to search around my house to find whatever I can to decorate with.

Most of the time my parties default to whatever I already own, and that's okay. However, with my little guy's first birthday arriving in a couple months...I am realizing more and more that most of what I own is really girly! Trying to turn girly things into something masculine is always interesting. I have turned to the hubby to keep everything in check when it comes to the manly decor I come up with. A few things I have heard over the last week: "Julie, you can't use flowers, or at least not those flowers, way too girly" and "Lace? At a boy's birthday? Not going to work," and last night I got "Could you add some brown?" Okay, I get it--it looks girly! But it is all a work in progress, another reason I started so early!

All this to say, as much as I love to decorate and host parties, I am also often convicted of my need to meet the world's standard of what parties are suppose to look like today. Now days we live in a world of Pinterest perfect parties. I am one who deeply loves to decorate and wish I had endless money to do so. I don't think there is anything wrong with using your creativity, but at the same time there is a fine balance between what is me just decorating and what is me trying to meet a Pinterest standard. It is so easy to look on Pinterest and quickly feel unhappy with the things we have since it feels as if so many others have so much more stuff, talent, resources, money, whatever it may be. This is my battle every time I take it upon myself to throw a party. I start off super excited to use my creativity to come up with something extraordinary, but eventually over time I often (not always) find myself bummed that I don't have as much as she does, can't buy this or that, or just feel I don't have the creativity others have. It is sad to know we live in a world in which the standard is perfection.

So this year, I will tell myself again... what my party looks like does not matter. It does not matter to all the friends who truly care about my son and celebrating him, it does not matter to my husband, it does not matter to my son one bit, and more importantly it does not matter to God. What the world says I should be is not the standard I am meant to meet. Instead, what is going to matter is the people who we get to spend time with and the celebration of my son and the miraculous God who created him. I am excited to have our son's village come around him and celebrate him and his first year on this earth, and whatever the party looks like in the end, well... who cares?! I'm determined to just enjoy the process!

Moments Like These

I have been looking forward to this moment all day today. I have boiled some water for tea, grabbed a Ferrero Rocher from the cupboard, and am thoroughly enjoying what may be an hour to myself.
It is crazy how much I respect and enjoy down time now that I am a mother. The moments where I get to do nothing.

I'll be honest, I never thought I would be this exhausted as a new parent. I never thought the amount of energy I give of myself everyday, spending constant time and giving attention to my little one, would, at the end of the day, make me want to hit the hay at 8pm. But it does.

Every day, I go through a battle in my brain of whether or not I really want to wash my hair in the shower or skip showering all together, if doing more than 2 errands is that important, or putting on something more than sweat pants and a tank top is really required. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out, washing my hair, putting some normal clothes on, and getting things done... but truth be told, it just has to be worth it nowadays.

As I have mentioned before, laundry has turned into a week long process. It sits in the washer for at least 2 days, the dryer for another 2 days, and then the hamper for... well, until what I need in it is necessary. And in all of it, I go through another battle in my brain: laundry vs. nap.

My little one is nearly walking, and oh how things will change even more. Right now I can plop him down on our bed at 7am, give him a few toys and although he talks, pokes, pulls, and kicks the whole time, he is not up moving around. I will savour this time. I can still pull off another 20 minutes of lounging around and slowly waking up. In a few weeks, all that will change again. He will be able to pull himself up, walk, and go wherever his heart desires. And may I just say... he already likes trouble.

I love being a mother. It is the most amazing adventure anyone could ever ask for. But the reality is: it is hard work. I have yet to meet a mother who in all honesty can say being a parent is easy. So that being said, we should all give ourselves a little bit of grace. It is the hardest job I have ever had and more than I had ever expected. I never would have imagined that my baby would struggle to breastfeed, struggle to sleep train, or as I said before, just use up so much of my energy. But in all of it, there is one great thing I continue to remind myself of.

It is everything to know that, even in the midst of exhaustion and fatigue, I have a God who is walking us all through this stage. In all of it, I can trust Him and knowing He will only give me as much as I can handle. As hard as it may seem at times, I know He is faithful.
"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand." 1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT

The Kind of Friend I Wanna Be

It always seems to happen the same way. One week, I am reaching out to get together with friends and the next all I want to do is stay curled up on my couch. Maybe it's the introvert in me, I am realizing more and more as I get older. I love, love, love getting together with friends, but, at the end of the day, I feel worn out, tired, and just want to relax by myself.

As healthy as it can be to make sure you take care of yourself, something else happens during this time. At first I find myself very driven to reach out to friends, make plans, and keep busy, while the following week or maybe even two or three weeks it's a little like I fell off the face of the earth. I am sure not all of my friends feel this way, but I am sure some do.

Today as I got together with a group of ladies, who are also mothers, I caught myself feeling distant, feeling maybe just a bit more introverted. I felt tired, hungry, and well... to be honest, I have a list of excuses. As much as I wanted to be present and make friends, I found myself wanting to be home, curled up on the couch with a Starbucks. I hate it when I am like this.

The truth is that being introverted is not a bad thing at all. But on the other hand, I also feel like I have experienced the receiving side of this cycle. I know life is busy, and trust me I feel it too, and we are all different people with different priorities. However, I still feel like I am missing the mark when suddenly I have not seen/talked to any of my friends in who knows how long. Part of me really appreciates the me time, and another part of me wishes I could do it all.
All of this to say it was an incredible self discovery and realization of the person I don't want to be.

I don't want to be that friend who forgets birthdays, who screens calls, or hermits until I feel like I want to do it again. No, I want to be the type of friend who, despite the business and chaos of life, works hard. When I say work hard, I mean work hard at being a good friend.
The truth is, the friends we have in our lives are our village; they are the very people who inspire us daily. There are always those friends you can not talk to for who-knows-how-long and everything picks up where it left off, but then there are those friends that really depend on regular communication in a relationship.

I want to be the type of friend who can put her laundry aside and have coffee with a girl friend. I want to know I am the type of friend that someone can rely on, and I want to know how much my friends mean to me.
Life does get busy, don't get me wrong. There are always tons of things to juggle. But I guess that is where I want to be a different person. I want the people in my life to be at the top of my priority list. Not after laundry, not after dishes. No, I want them to be right after God and family time. Maybe I am just realizing more and more what really matters in life, and having a clean house and a made bed is all good and fine; but when faced with what I will do with my day, I want to know it is the people I love that come first.

Yours Truly,
Julie