"I Would Be Happier If I...."

If you didn't already know, other then taking care of my little dude at home I also do photography as a pretty consistent side job. Over two months ago, while sitting at my table finishing up some photo editing I finally convinced myself to quickly upload a handful of my most recent photos to an online contest called, Shoot and Share.

I had come across the contest awhile back and at the time quickly decided I was definitely not good enough to put my photos in the contest. I was nervous that mine would stick our like a sore thumb in a wave of amazing photos. But after a couple of weeks I finally changed my mind, not totally sure why but for whatever reason I thought, why not?

In the weeks to come my husband and I took a couple of evenings to sit down with a cup of tea and vote a bit. It was fun, four photos pop up on the screen and you pick your favorite. Easy peasy. You have no idea whose is whose and chances of seeing your own in the 111, 000 photos submitted was a rush, although it never did happen.

For the next month, the contest continued to eliminate a percent of photos bit by bit. I would get Facebook update: Round 1, Round 2 etc. I never paid too much attention to them but it was always fun to see here and there how much better the photos got each round.

What happened next though I never would have anticipated. Sure enough after a few weeks I received an email while blow drying my hair that read: Julie, you have made it to the finals. I was blown away (no pun intended).
Um excuse me? I thought to myself. There must have been some sort of mistake. I could not believe it, I had made it to the finals! I had made it to the top 10% of 111, 000 photos!

The next days were spent voting, trying to see if I could see which picture(s) exactly had made it this far. Finally within another few days I received an email again: Julie, you have made it to the Top 100. I again could not believe it, with 111, 000 photos submitted and only 21 categories of photos one of MY photos made it to the Top 100. I was ecstatic.

In the midst of excitement, what happened next was even more surprising to me.
I was SO excited and so grateful to have placed in the finals! But what was once a complete shock and gratefulness to everyone who got me this far quickly turned into: Finals aren't good enough, I want more. When I placed in the Top 100, I was excited but quickly my feelings faded and again I wanted more. What was once a complete surprise, a gift I never would have expected, and a complete joy quickly turned into great expectation and a quick loss in joy when I did not see it pan out. Why is it we always want more?

I often think, if I just had more money I would be happier. If I just dressed like all those other fashionable moms I would happier. If I just decided to spend my money on getting my hair done every month I would just be happier. Sure I just got two new tops, but really I want two more now. Sure I got a nice hair cut a few months back, but now I want to dye it and get a new style. It is never ending. It is so sad to think we look so much on the outside to make us happy rather then looking on the inside. Rather then savouring the very things we have been so gracious blessed with. I often have to stop and remind myself we are the top 1% of rich people in the world, that I have NO idea what it means to be poor as "poor" as I think I am.

I never had such a vivid experience as this that made me really think about how quickly I turn what I have into "not good enough". The grass is always greener on the other side hey? Nah it is garbage. It is never ending, even if I place finals in a contest I will want more. I make it to Top 100 and guess what, I will still want more. It won't stop. And even if I would have won, I would have taken a few moments to celebrate, probably walked around most of the day on cloud nine but quickly the moment would pass and I would once again have greater expectations for myself.

Through it I have spent more time praying that I would see what I own, what I have accomplished, who I am, what I do as is and be grateful for what God has given me. I personally need to learn to live in the moment, to savour the the things God has so graciously given to me. My cars, my clothes, my money, my family, it is all His.

Check out this TED talk on this topic: The Happy Secret to Better Work