Making Me-Time a Priority

I saw a book lately that I immediately wanted to buy. It was called “The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You” by Jessica Turner. Hours? For me? I immediately chuckled to myself over the idea. But it was so appealing, this idea of Jessica Turner’s. She wants moms to practice self-care and do the things they love, so that they can then feel refreshed and ready to care for their families, but she suggests this: what if moms did this within the context of the already-existent pockets of time in their days?

Now, there are not many extra hours in any mom’s day, if any. Sometimes, there doesn’t feel like there is a spare minute. When my little girl was a newborn, there didn't appear to be a spare second. I remember thinking that my whole 24 hours per day had suddenly been swallowed by this very tiny body that somehow kept me from ANYTHING else, especially sleep! I didn’t know how to pull away and take a shower, how to cook a meal, how to maintain my home, or how to do anything except meet need after tiny baby need during that time. There was no time for myself. There was no time for anything except baby and trying to catch my breath and a few extra winks!

But over time, things changed. I began to predict her sleep better and grab my showers during those windows of time. I began doing chores and cooking meals again, whether my baby loved the idea or not. Life had to move forward, and motherhood wasn’t the only hat I was supposed to be wearing. This is the lesson we moms have to live out—that we all have the same job, that of a Professional Multi-tasker. We are moms, we are wives, we are employees, we are daughters and sisters, we are carpool drivers, we are educators, we are homemakers, we are cooks, etc. 

I am a dedicated mother. But over time, I learned to make time for other responsibilities beyond the baby, time for just about everything that needed my attention, except one thing. There was still no time for me to focus on me. There was no regular time to pick up old hobbies, or relax alone, or leave home and do things I enjoyed by myself. My awesome hubby helped when he could, watching our little one while I caught up on dishes or cooked or went to my prayer group. I knew this was a luxury. We were all busy during that time, especially him.

Don’t we feel kind of guilty as moms when we admit to spending time on ourselves? Don’t we sort of consider it a mark of dedicated motherhood when we spend all available time tending to the kids and run out of spare time for self-maintenance? I think a lot of us have a little bit of a martyr complex when it comes to motherhood, thinking we need to shelve all of our self-care or else we aren’t being good enough moms. I have known a couple of moms who seemed to have it all together from the beginning: everything in their homes was kept tidy and they somehow magically got dressed and did their hair and makeup every day. I just didn’t know how to be that well-balanced mom for a long time, and I felt guilty if I prioritized me-time over my daughter or husband or home. I’m still working on balancing my life, and I probably always will be.

But I’ll admit it. I’m spending time on myself these days. My daughter’s almost four years old now. It’s been a long lesson in the making, but I’ve learned over time that while I may not have a lot of available time to spend by myself, it is possible to do things that refresh me a few minutes at a time. I can read a little something, or even a big something, a few pages at a time. I can paint my toenails. I can do a quick devotional. I can take a tiny catnap while my daughter sleeps. I can cook or bake something really fun (hard to believe for some, but I LOVE cooking!) And I have also learned this: I need this time. I am a better, more fun, more successful mom and wife when I am doing things that feed me, even if I am sneaking it into my days or late nights. It’s really fun to pick up old hobbies. It’s really fun to introduce them to Austen, too.

I’ve picked up an interest in beauty and cosmetics. It’s a funny thing, too, because I was never a makeup person prior to getting married and having a daughter. While we were dating, my husband almost never saw me in makeup unless there was some special occasion. The interest just came to me over time, I guess. Now I’m pretty crazy about it. I love playing with all the different colors and brushes, and the packaging is just so fun. And something about it feels refreshing—spending a couple minutes doing something totally superfluous just for myself somehow makes the day so bright for me.

I’m starting a March makeup challenge. I’m celebrating my own “fringe hours” and allowing myself a few minutes each day this month to get ready. I claim no talent in makeup application—a result of totally avoiding cosmetics for the first 25 years of my life—but I do have an interest, and it’ll be fun to experiment with different styles and see how much I can learn this month. I have a good friend who wants to do it with me, and I’m excited about actually planning me-time in advance.

Do you have any time in your day in which you can cultivate your interests? Are you in a phase of motherhood in which there very few extra minutes in the day? Please be encouraged, Moms. If you are practically swimming in the demands on your time, don’t despair. Seasons change, and perhaps there will be more time soon. If you find five minutes during the day, do a tiny something for yourself. And when you do, celebrate those “fringe hours!” I’ll be here celebrating with you, and maybe I’ll even read that book. :)

<3, Courtlandt