29 Years

Hooray for 29 years!
It's 3:30 in the afternoon, baby is down for nap, and my darling husband has locked himself in our bedroom wrapping presents for me. During this time, I find myself folding some laundry and reminiscing on 29 years.

I often feel as if I have not done much with my life. Sure, I have literally done lots of things, but I don't always feel like I have met the level of "being successful" through the world's eyes. Yes, I have traveled a bit, gotten married, and started a small family, but really I'm barely educated, I am no CEO of a successful company, and I am the farthest thing from owning a home. In these moments, I often find myself thinking of what I am not, rather than what I am.

As I fold the second basket of laundry, I think to myself "Julie, have you really, deeply thought about what you have succeeded at in this life?" The answer: no.

For some reason, the battles I have faced throughout my life quickly slip my mind when I am thinking about who I should be at 29 years old. I get completely caught up in measuring myself up to everyone else around. They have a home, so why don't I? She has a career, and what am I doing? They get to go to Europe, but I will never be able to afford that.

As I thought about the above question, I asked myself whether I had a good solid reality check of what it means to succeed, not to the world but to God. I took a seat and thought about the very things I knew without a doubt in my mind that God had motivated and guided me to succeed at. They are things the world will not necessarily give me a gold star for, but I know that my measure of success is not one that the world is to dictate, but instead what God is to decide.

Again, I am no CEO of a successful company, I don't have a bachelors degree, nor do I own a house or have money coming out of my wazoo. But I do have a home, I have as much education as my life had time for, I am a survivor of an eating disorder, and a determined young woman who completed high school during a time of trials. I now have a beautiful son, and I chose an amazing husband.

The point I am really trying to make is: success is in the eye of the beholder, and really our beholder is our Heavenly Father. One who does not measure success by how fancy our clothes are or how big our house is. Our successes are all different, and all just as big as someone else's. No one is more successful for the amount of school they have done or money they have earned in God's eyes. No, God sees all of our successes as little as they seem to us. Our success is not what the world tells us; it is what our God tells us it is. And everyone's successes are different. We all have our battles we are facing, and it's our willingness to trust Him through them that is our success, whether that be battling a mental disorder or working a full-time job to provide for our families. Maybe it is being single during this time, or trusting God in a time of despair. Our successes are what God calls us to, no matter what that is. So look back on your life, think of the things God has guided you through, and know you are successful!

Yours truly,
Julie