When Toddler Life Just Isn't Perfect

Let’s be real here. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.

And for a perfectionist like me? It’s impossible. I think God gave me a daughter as a cure for my perfectionism.

It started out so well. She slept well, ate well, communicated well from an early age, was oh-so-charming and beautiful, traveled well, dressed well (HELLO baby clothes designers—you’re a bunch of geniuses!)…everything seemed like it was going in such a good direction with such a good trajectory.

And then? I woke up one day to a toddler. A fully communicative, fully aware of all her surroundings, fully decided on her own path, in-her-own-time-zone toddler. She’s wonderful. She’s brilliant. She does the most boisterous shining I have ever beheld every. single. day. of. her. life. She is charming and zany and creative and fashionable. She marches to her own beat. She loves us, God, and our church, and she’s learning about life at lightning speed. And I love all of that about her.

BUT.

She represents the death of most of my careful plans, punctual arrivals, neat and tidy expectations, and organized house. Everything my perfectionism touches, she touches, too. “Oh, you wanted me to wear that Christmas dress to the party?” her adorable face seems to say with expression, “I think I’ll wear this Elsa tutu instead.” Or, “Oh, you thought it would be nice to have a clean car? I thought I would bring twelve books, cheddar bunnies, three stuffed animals, an extra twirly dress, three mismatched shoes, my harmonica, and 17 markers with us on that short drive.” Or, “Ohhh, a nap? That thing we’ve been doing every day of my life thus far? I think I’m giving it up forever, and we can just plan to be home really early every night for bedtime.” (Obviously, I can change any of these situations, but they represent her heightened sense of independence, and I try to allow her some freedom and grace whenever possible.)

You see? It’s really hard to control everything about my life when someone small in my life fully plans to do the same thing in a different way than I would have liked. I never knew how selfish and impatient I was until I became a mom. And I’m still finding those layers of self-first attitude each day, slaying each dragon as I come to it, 3 ½ years into this mom gig.

I know God has a lot to say about how I live, how I mother, and how my attitude matters:

 “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:22-24

“I’m learning, Lord. Punctuality isn’t more important than the work you’ve given me to do. It was just a wet outfit and an extra potty break,” I mumble as we pull into the parking lot, late for church. Again.

“I realize now that I shouldn’t have held that plan so tightly, God,” I whisper when things just don’t work out.

“I see now that you wanted me to prioritize this little soul over that coffee date/holiday plan/dinner plan/fill in the blank here,” I concede, begrudgingly, when I’ve called to cancel again.

And every time I think that I have learned this lesson, that I won’t try and hold my expectations up as the most important thing, this little wonder-girl smilingly takes my hand and shows me another, freer way of living. In so many ways, she knows better than I how to live, how to breathe, how to accomplish what needs to be done without accepting outside pressure, how to live in each moment, how to be true to herself. And I’m going to “get” it soon; I really will. I’m learning.

God knew the spiritual formation that was going to take place in my life as a result of motherhood. He planned it that way. And I am so grateful. With each opportunity I have to take a deep breath, accept a change of plans, love my little one through whatever stage we’re in (ahem, potty training was a biggie!), train and discipline and raise her through any type of day we’re in, and acknowledge God’s grace and guidance in my life, I become a better person. All of my good traits rise to the surface, and all the things that don’t really matter fall to the wayside. I’m finding that being “picture perfect” was never a good measurement of our trajectory or success to begin with.

Just breathe a little easier today, Mamas. We are all on different journeys. If yours includes a toddler, my experience says that things are probably a little bit messier than maybe you’d like, a little less punctual, and a lot less perfect, but there is such potential for deep joy! Just know that God’s growing you through each and every phase, and His work is always perfect. He will finish His perfect work in us in due time. <3

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

In this thing right with you,

Courtlandt 

(photo credit to Cory Hill, talented photographer and my newest bro-in-law!)